Communicating from beyond

Do you love Jesus more than your friends and family? Are you worried about how they'll feel once he returns to take you to that great kegger in the sky while they're stuck here on earth being slaves to the monkey's destined to take over the world? Well, don't fret any longer. A new service allows you to leave them messages while you're giving high-fives to Moses and bonging beers with Noah.

You've Been Left Behind gives you one last opportunity to get one last message to the lost, at a time, when they might just be willing to hear it for the first and last time. For a mere $40 a year, they'll let you store up to 250MB of "told ya so's"to send to up to 62 people after you ascend.

Be sure to check out their FAQs. My favorite explains how the program works.

We have a team, of Christian couples, scattered around the U.S. 4 active couples and one alternate. One of each, of the active couples, are required to log into the system everyday. They are scattered to protect us from having the team wiped out by attack, natural disaster, or epidemic. They are couples in case one is sick, injured, killed, and to assure their walk with God. If they (3 out of 4) fail to log in for 3 days the system figures the Rapture has taken place. There are then notices sent out to each of us daily, for 3 more days, warning us we must log in to prevent the sending of documents. If, we do not, then the system sends out all of the stored data to all of the email addresses. There is one alternate team member ready as a replacement for a lost teammate. Also one team member is located near enough to the server bank, with access, in case the net goes down, or malfunction.

If you're looking for a little better deal, send me $5 today and I'll text your family a :( after the apocalypse. Trust me, by running this site I've all but assured that I'll be around.